A call to love

     A few weeks ago I was expressing/lamenting/whining about a "problem person" in my life.  My husband was listening to my little tirade and being very quiet.  His silence made me a little uncomfortable so I said those four little words about my problem that you should not really say to your husband when you really just want a vent session "What do YOU think?"  Very quietly and lovingly he said to me "It sounds like you don't have any love in your heart for this person."   I could not really deny that what he said was true.  He said "When I have someone I find hard for me to love I start praying for them and it helps me start to love that person, overlook their faults, and be able to give to them more."

             Much as I cringed at the thought of his advice, I acknowledge that it is good advice.   More important than it being just good advice is that "loving others" is how God asks us to live out our faith  everyday.  Paul said in Galatians 5:6  "For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus,.... What is important is faith expressing itself in love (NLT). "  Then later he expanded "For you have been called to live in freedom my brothers and sisters.  But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.  Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.  For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."  But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (Gal. 5:13-15)"  

         God's heart is so full of love for me that he sent his son for me.  Jesus' heart is so full of love for me that he died for me.  That is more love than I have a right to receive.  And if I believe that all of this love is real and is extended to me everyday then the important thing to do is express my faith through love.  So this is my one new year's resolution...... to find little ways to live out the call of love on my life.  To love others as I love myself and do what I can to lift them up.  In today's world who couldn't use a little dose of that?

Good-bye Summer, Hello Work

         Last week I went back to work to get my classroom ready and to meet with the families of the children I will be teaching.  How quickly the check list of things that needed to get done took over my thoughts and my actions.  By Friday I had exhausted myself and came home to sleep a solid twelve hours.  During the week, I struggled to hold onto the peace that I have felt all summer.  Most of the days I kept up with my Bible reading and most of the days I managed to get in a heartfelt prayer but it was with constant struggle to keep out the noise of work.  The "noise" of work made me feel stressed, overwhelmed, and had me dealing with all kinds of feelings from frustration to inadequacy.  Yet in all of that, as I look back over my readings this week, at what I highlighted,  I can see a gentle thread woven just for me.  

   

     "But God made the earth by his power, and he preserves it by his wisdom.  With his own understanding he stretched out the heavens.  When he speaks in the thunder, the heavens roar with rain.  He causes the clouds to rise over the earth.  He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses."  Jeremiah 10:12-13

     "He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."  James 1:6

     "I know Lord that our lives are not our own.  We are not able to plan our own course.  So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle.  Do not correct me in anger, for I would die."  Jeremiah 10:23,24

     "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me.  If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman.  You must influence them; do not let them influence you!"  Jeremiah 15:19

     "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain."  Psalm 127:1

     "Do not be wise in your own eyes."  Proverbs 3:7

    "But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.  

      The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.  Who really knows how bad it is?  But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives."  Jeremiah 17:7-10

Rocky Mountain High

There is something magical about being near majestic mountains and beautiful natural views.  The first time I visited Colorado last summer I felt like I was at Disney Land.  I really did not expect to be so mesmerized by the landscape!  Of course after some time of not seeing those beautiful views, you forget their magic.  
    Enter last week when I got to go back to Colorado with a group of ladies from work for a professional development opportunity.  There was  an electric feeling in the car when those mountains came into view and I think we all felt the child inside of us.  We were laughing and smiling and just going on and on about the beauty around us.  In the end I am so glad we got to do a little hiking before we left.  It was so gorgeous and it inspired this blog!

     The whole experience brought new reflection and meaning to Psalm 104 that I had read earlier that week.  The Psalmist is saying how he desires for all that he is to praise the Lord.  He describes all the wonderful things God created on this earth.  He marvels at the landscapes and the cycles created by God that provides for all the needs of those living here- plants, animals, and people.  He says "O Lord, what a variety of things you have made! In wisdom you have made them all." (Psalm 104:24 NLT).   "May the glory of the Lord continue forever! The Lord takes pleasure in all he has made!" (104:31 NLT).  
         I easily identified with the Psalmist while on the mountain!  All the things I saw just made me feel inspired. I could not stop taking pictures of what I found interesting.

Thinking more about it now, I think that the electric/magical/childlike feeling was my spirit woman rising up within me.  She was going crazy with pleasure, acknowledging the greatness of her creator.  Just like the Psalmist she longs for all that she is to praise the lord.  What a great experience!  
       One interesting thing I learned about myself on this trip is that apparently I can find a song to go with just about anything.  I think they joked that I was a "walking jukebox."  So with that in mind I will leave you with a song.....  I have a favorite line and maybe you 
will too!
                        

           
         

SYFY, nightmares, and Amy Grant Oh My!!!

        I admit freely that I like watching those cheesy SYFY movies.  The more ridiculous sounding the title, the more my interest is peeked.  I read titles like Megapython vs. Gatoroid thinking "What in the world?" and I have to watch at least five minutes.  Of course within that five minutes I get hooked and well.... five minutes turns into two hours.  A few weeks ago I watched one that brought on a nightmare.  I woke up scared and could not go back to sleep.  Visions of these crazy, tribal, vicious, doglike tree men flashed every time I closed my eyes.  Now when I have a nightmare, singing songs in my head helps me fall back asleep.  The only song that came to me on this night was Amy Grant's Thy Word.  Now I have not heard that song in AGES but I could remember EVERY word.   I really held onto the line "nothing will I fear, as long as you are here" and in no time I was back asleep nightmare free. 

     Flash forward to this week's daily bible reading and I find myself reading Psalm 119.  It is a Hebrew acrostic poem that is 176 verses long.  I don't think I have ever read one of those verses let alone all 176 until this week and I was really liking the subject.  It seemed focused on the joy and benefits of studying God's word and law.  The verses echoed my own desire of knowing God deeper through the reading of the Bible.   Then, I had to smile even more because, tucked away in this Psalm at verse 105 is the reference for my nightmare fighting Amy Grant song "Your word is a lamp to guide my feed and a light for my path."  Suddenly the verse was not just an isolated, stand alone verse from my childhood that supported the indoctrinated practice of Sunday school scripture memorization.  In context, I found that it was a verse woven into a tapestry of so many other beautiful verses expressing to God how much the writer loved God and his word.  How important the word was to him/her, how the word brought delight and joy, how the word reminded the writer of God's comfort and unfailing love and his faithfulness.   YES, YES, YES (I wanted to shout).... because I realized that after establishing a short daily bible reading time for the last six months that is just the way I feel about God and his word.  I did not think I would ever feel that way about reading the Bible.  Bible reading always seemed so hard and took too long.  I am so glad my heart is changing in this area.  No wonder Amy Grant sang a song about that verse! 
  

Music with a message

          When I sat down to read my bible today I really needed to hear encouragement from God.  This summer is turning out to be a little overwhelming for me.  I feel like I am trying to juggle much with very little.   Every week presents something new to mourn, pray about, worry about, or try to plan for.  The needs are more than what I seem to be able to provide for.  I feel like I am about to squeeze the life out of my life trying to control it all by myself.   I wanted a scripture to just jump off the page and let me know everything was going to be alright.  So I read and well.... I have to say nothing jumped.  Nothing relieved the heaviness in my heart.  I closed my bible and still had all the same worry and fret as before.  In fact,  now I had added a little insecurity to worry because after today's reading of Proverbs 31:10-31  I had to be honest, I have some real work ahead of me to be that "virtuous woman".  So I sat with my coffee and my burdens.  I sat with my numerous thoughts and my many plans.  I sat with my tears and my worries.
          As I sat at my kitchen table, I began to hear the songs from my radio station playing in the background.  Songs of hope, songs about bringing your burdens to the Lord, songs about submitting to his will, songs that told of his unfailing love and his desire to lift my burdens from me.  Suddenly words of faith, love, and inspiration were jumping all around me.  I was overcome with the fact that God didn't send me just one song to listen to and lift my heart. He sent me song after song until I received the message, quit trying to squeeze and control my life, and instead surrendered and gave all of it to him.   The moment was tender, sweet, and so very, very real.
          I did hear from God today, it just did not come in the form I expected.   I heard that I can choose to hold onto all of my worry or I can chose to tell God about it.  When I choose to hold onto my worry and my need to control, nothing changes immediately and I continue to feel hopeless and heavy hearted.  When I tell God about my worries, nothing about my circumstance changes immediately but, my heart does.  I let go of trying to control every little moment and I feel hope.  I feel rest.  My heart returns to feeling light.  Instead of being consumed by all the negative things, I begin to focus on the very real and prosperous blessings God has given me.  I begin to worship him for his goodness and provision.  I feel loved because he saw my sadness today and made time for me.  Time to tell me that he truly is  my "refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."(Psalm 46:1 NLT)

Summer vacation

       Every Christmas my mother-in-law buys each of us a wall calendar.  This year she gave me a table top calendar- Inspirations for Daily Life by the Association for Lutherans.  Each page has a pretty picture, an inspirational saying, and a bible scripture.  Many times since December, I have flipped the page and thought "Wow, that is just a perfect word for where I am today!"  Well today I flipped the page and had to smile at today's saying and verse.

       

               Vacations are for rest and renewal.  They are for visiting loved ones and taking time to enjoy the small stuff.  Being a teacher, I love the two months I get off for summer vacation.  Our family doesn't always have the finances to plan to go anywhere fancy however, I find that I am just as happy getting to spend time doing things with my girls and focusing on pet projects  around my house.  I also love that in the summer I have established a morning routine where the main purpose is to spend time with God.  I wake up, get dressed, get a bowl of cereal, get my coffee, and then I sit down at my little kitchen table to do my daily bible reading followed by prayer time.  That routine is definitely a luxury that I only get to enjoy during my summer vacation and just yesterday I thought sadly "When school comes I sure will miss this time."  Today's verse made my think about my "Summer Vacation with Jesus."  Does it have to end just because in August my work schedule will get busy and hectic?  Can't I vacation with Jesus anytime?  

               I think I need to change my idea of quality "Jesus vacation" time. Other types of vacations come in all shapes and sizes from day trips, to weekend getaways, to week long retreats.  The same can be said of spending time with Jesus.  It is nice to be able to take a week long trip where you spend thirty minutes to an hour daily really soaking in the word and prayer.  I do need that but, it is not always feasible.  But what other times, ones that look more like a day trip or weekend getaway with God, give my mind a rest from my daily worries and burdens and renew my heart?  Singing to a worship song does it, cleaning to the Sirrus FM Praise channel does it,  reading books by Christian authors like Francine Rivers does it,  reading my daily email from Provers 31 does it, enjoying a sunrise, sunset, (anything in nature) does it, praying while driving in the car does it.  I realized that I can vacation with Jesus anytime.  I don't have to pack or unpack.  I don't have to load anything up or unload anything.  No one is asking me "Are we almost there yet?"  And best of all, the benefits are always amazing no matter the amount of time I can give.  That's just how great he is, that just a little time in his presence can be so restful, so renewing that we want to and can't wait to spend more and more "vacation" time with him.       

A heart full of mercy

      Since I have been reading through the Old Testament, I have noticed a reoccurring event.  God has extended mercy to his people repeatedly when 1) they have turned their hearts back towards him with repentance, changing their evil ways and 2) when he remembers the covenant he made with them. Today while reading the in Jonah, the story of God's mercy was written into every chapter.  

     Chapter 1- Jonah runs from God's request to deliver a message of judgement against the town of Nineveh.  While on a ship God causes a violent storm.  Sailors are fearful and confused.  Upon discovering that Jonah is the cause, they ask what can be done to stop it.  Jonah tells them to throw him in the sea.  At first they ignore what Jonah says and continue towards the shore and I do not blame them.  I would not want to throw someone into the sea knowing they would die.  I would ask myself "What else can be done so that this man's death is not my responsibility?" In the end the sailors decide to throw him overboard and cry out to God "O Lord don't make us die for this man's sin.  And don't hold us responsible for his death." (Jonah 1:14 NLT) As soon as they throw him overboard, the storm stops. In that moment, they receive God's mercy.  The story says that they were so compelled by this that they "vowed to serve him." (Jonah 1:16 NLT)  

      Chapter 2-  Jonah spends three days in the belly of a big fish.  Three days in an unsavory environment  would give you plenty of moments to reflect don't you think? In this chapter you hear directly from Jonah.  He is praying and calling out to the Lord.  He says "And my earnest prayer went out to you in your holy Temple.  Those who worship false gods turn their backs on all God's mercies.  But I will offer sacrifices to you with songs of praise, and I will fulfill all my vows.  For my salvation comes from the Lord alone." (Jonah 2:7 NLT)  Jonah's heart is now turned back towards God, remembering him, and prepared to be obedient.  Right after Jonah says this he receives God's mercy and is released from the fish.

      Chapter 3- Jonah goes to Nineveh and delivers the message of judgement.  Upon hearing that in forty days their town will be destroyed everything changes for Nineveh.  I find the first of God's mercies in this chapter to be in giving Nineveh forty days before destruction.  Within that forty days the king of Nineveh believed God and decreed that " People and animals alike must wear garments of mourning, and everyone must pray earnestly to God.  They must turn from their evil ways and stop all their violence.  Who can tell?  Perhaps even yet God will change his mind and hold back his fierce anger from destroying us." (Jonah 3:8,9 NLT) And with this degree and heartfelt actions, the end of the chapter shows that God extended his mercy and spared Nineveh destruction because he saw their hearts had changed. 

       Chapter 4- Jonah gets angry at God for being merciful.  It seems that Jonah has yet another lesson to learn about God and his mercy.  He admits that he knows that God is "a merciful and compassionate God, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.  You are eager to turn back from destroying people." (Jonah 4:2 NLT).  But Jonah is angry that his prediction of judgement will not come to pass.  It seems that Jonah's pride is hurt. It also seems to me that Jonah has put God in a box.  His words say to me that Jonah thinks that his God should only extend mercy to the right people.  However, God uses a plant to show Jonah the depth of his love for all people.  He replies to Jonah " You feel sorry about the plant, though you did nothing to put it there.  It came quickly and died quickly.  But Nineveh has more than 120,000 people living in spiritual darkness, not to mention all the animals.  Shouldn't I feel sorry for such a great city?" (Jonah 4:10,11 NLT)  God's love and his mercy is extended to all that he created.  He is ready to pour it on those who turn their hearts and ways towards what is pleasing in his sight.  

      Much of my memory of Jonah's story from my childhood Sunday school lessons focus on Jonah's disobedience to God.  I always came away from that story with the thought "Oh you better obey God or he will give you some kind of consequence."  I saw God as a powerful punisher.  After reading today, I see him as a pursuing Savior, longing to spare us, redeem us, and extend us love and mercy.  A Savior whose touch of mercy should inspire us to live a life changed for him.  

My heart's alignment

       Today I read about King Ahab and King Jehoshaphat and their joint decision to go to war with the town of Ramoth-gilead.  They both consulted prophets.  Ahab wanted only to consult his prophets but Jehoshaphat wanted to consult a prophet of the Lord.  Ahab did not want to consult the Lord's prophet because he hated Macaiah and he did not want to hear anything that was troubling.  Jehoshaphat pressed on to hear from Macaiah and as Ahab said, his prophecy was indeed troubling.  In the end the two kings went to war.  God watched over Jehoshaphat and Ahab died.  
       As I continued reading about Jehoshaphat's actions after the battle, the difference between the hearts of these two kings became very clear to me.  Prior to the battle Ahab lived for himself, he wanted only to hear what coincided with his selfish motives. His put his pleasure above pleasing the Lord.   His heart was turned inward.  The bible says that "no one else so completely sold himself to what was evil in the Lord's sight (1 Kings 21:25 NLT)."  His most outrageous offense was worshipping other idols.  However Jehoshaphat, understanding that going to war with Ahab had been wrong on his part, went out among his people and encouraged them to return to the Lord.  He appointed judges and told them to "always act in fear of the Lord, with faithfulness and an undivided heart (2 Chronicles 19:9 NLT)."  When faced with peril, Jehoshaphat called out to God for guidance and help.   He professed him as the one true God.  All the men, women, and children of Judah stood with him as he sought God's help and professed his authority.  He encouraged his people to believe in God, his word, his faithfulness, and his unfailing love.  Together they turned their hearts toward God and were able to praise him despite grim circumstances.  They trusted he would do exactly what he said he would do.  Their heart's were aligned toward God and he saved them.  
       This story has prompted my to ask myself today "How is my heart aligned?"  Is it aligned to serving/seeking what I think is right or serving/seeking what is right in God's sight.   I want my heart to be like Jehoshaphat's and his people.  I want it to be aligned with the things of God and turned away from my selfish nature.  I want to trade in my heart and all of its selfish and ugly ways.  In return I want God to give me a heart like his. A heart that seeks out what is right, what is good.  A heart that praises him and seeks his wisdom.  A heart that loves others, shows compassion, and serves with happiness.   My heart for his.... yep, that is what I am after.   That is my journey.  That is my quest.