Pursuing my heart

       Last weekend God gave me a reminder that though I may become lax in my vigilance to pursue his heart, he never becomes lax in pursuing mine.  For the last three years I have been attending the Extraordinary Women's conference when it comes to Tulsa.  I have always enjoyed the speakers, the Friday night concert, and the worship.  This year however the topic of the conference spoke volumes to my heart.  The topic was Enduring Love.  If you have read any of my other posts you might remember that in December I posted about a conversation I had with my husband about my lack of love for a person I was having particular struggles with.  I posted about it and then really put that information on the shelf of my heart to deal with at a later date.  But you know I really did not deal with it in fact, I more or less ignored it.  Then in early February in one of my daily readings I came across 1 Corinthians 13.   The love passage.  I wanted to think that this scripture was just regulated to marriage because let's face it for most of us one of the only times we even hear it is at a wedding.  But on this day as I read it and I came to the part in verse 5 where it says "Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged (NLT),"  I had to admit that in the love passage, Paul was not just speaking about how to love your spouse.  Still, I barely let that revelation seep down enough to do any good.  It was just too uncomfortable to admit that I am irritable with others and I do keep record of being wronged (a long record).  Now fast forward to last weekend..   Can you guess which scripture was the reference for the theme of the conference?  1 Corinthians 13:13 "Three things will last forever- faith, hope, and love- and the greatest of these is love. (NLT)"
         Now even though it may sound like God was "guilting" me about my lack of love for others that could not be farther from the truth.  I know that  1) he does not "guilt" us to do anything (that is not his way) and 2) I have found that reoccurring moments of the same topic are his way of wooing me to stop and let him show me an area where I need him more.  Well, I had set aside a whole weekend for the purpose of stopping and letting him show me.  I can tell you that he did not waste one moment of it!  During the conference while listening to the speakers over and over he pursued my heart and reminded me of his great love for me.  That his banner over me is love.  That he loved me first.  That he wants to love on me so much that his love would fill up all the parts of my heart and spill out to others.  I can be loving with others because God has given me such a great gift of love!  He does not forget to love or pursue me even when I have allowed my routine to slow down my pursuit of him.  I love him and he loves me and from his love I am able to love others more.  I could go on but I will just close with a scripture that I have been reflecting on this week  "Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.  No one has ever seen God.  But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us." 1 John 4:11,12 (NLT)
     

A Little Christmas treasure

          Have you ever asked for a gift and then you got something close to it but not exactly what you wanted?  Well that happened to me this year.  I asked for the Jesus Calling daily devotional book by Sarah Young, the beautifully leather bound one.  Well, Christmas came and I did get something close to what I wanted.  My mother in law gives us a calendar every year and this year she gave me the Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence daily desktop calendar.  I assumed, given its smaller size, that it would not be as insightful as the larger beautifully leather bound book I had originally wanted.  I could not have been more wrong!  Almost every day I have found that the short daily writings impact me.   Many times I feel he is speaking to me about the very situations happening in my life or around me.  It has been awesome!

Jan 1- Come to me with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed! On this day God reminded me that he has plans to give me a hope and a future.
Jan 2-  Resist the clamor of tasks waiting to be done.  It dawned on me that I usually let all the things on my to do list distract me from meaningful time with God.  Pushing back my list and taking time to be with him will help me face what the day brings.
Jan 3- Because I am your constant Companion, there should be a lightness to your step that is observable to others.  Do not be weighed down with problems and unresolved issues, for I am your burden-bearer.  What a great little reminder that I have a hope for the problems I face.   The hope that comes from having a relationship with him should cause me to act different.
Jan 5-  True dependence is not simply asking Me to bless what you have decided to do.  It is coming to me with an open mind and heart, inviting Me to plant My desires within you.  This encouraged me because there are new opportunities that I worry I won't be able to handle but, they are God's new adventure for me that he will help me be successful with every step.
Jan. 8-  Hope in Me, and you will be protected from depression and self-pity.  Hope is like a golden cord connection you to heaven.  Cling to hope, and My rays of Light will reach you through the darkness.  I found this one so profound because I am concerned about the lack of hope in the world around me.  
Jan 9- Much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come.  Such a good reminder because I tend to be so impatient.
Jan 11- When you bring Me prayer requests, lay out your concerns before Me.  Speak to Me candidly; pour out your heart.  Then thank Me for the answers that I have set into motion long before you can discern results.   I had never thought to thank him while I was waiting.
Jan 12- Let me Prepare You for the day that stretches out before you.  I know exactly what this day will contain, whereas you have only vague ideas about it.  You would like to see a map, showing all the twists and turns of your journey.  I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey.  My living Presence is your Companion each step of the way.  This was so timely because loved ones of mine have really had a curve ball thrown in their path and everything good seems undone.
Jan 13- Thank me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift!  

God is so good and I am thankful for this one little Christmas treasure that may not have come as I wanted but has proved to fulfill all I wished for!

A call to love

     A few weeks ago I was expressing/lamenting/whining about a "problem person" in my life.  My husband was listening to my little tirade and being very quiet.  His silence made me a little uncomfortable so I said those four little words about my problem that you should not really say to your husband when you really just want a vent session "What do YOU think?"  Very quietly and lovingly he said to me "It sounds like you don't have any love in your heart for this person."   I could not really deny that what he said was true.  He said "When I have someone I find hard for me to love I start praying for them and it helps me start to love that person, overlook their faults, and be able to give to them more."

             Much as I cringed at the thought of his advice, I acknowledge that it is good advice.   More important than it being just good advice is that "loving others" is how God asks us to live out our faith  everyday.  Paul said in Galatians 5:6  "For when we place our faith in Christ Jesus,.... What is important is faith expressing itself in love (NLT). "  Then later he expanded "For you have been called to live in freedom my brothers and sisters.  But don't use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature.  Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.  For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."  But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another. (Gal. 5:13-15)"  

         God's heart is so full of love for me that he sent his son for me.  Jesus' heart is so full of love for me that he died for me.  That is more love than I have a right to receive.  And if I believe that all of this love is real and is extended to me everyday then the important thing to do is express my faith through love.  So this is my one new year's resolution...... to find little ways to live out the call of love on my life.  To love others as I love myself and do what I can to lift them up.  In today's world who couldn't use a little dose of that?

Good-bye Summer, Hello Work

         Last week I went back to work to get my classroom ready and to meet with the families of the children I will be teaching.  How quickly the check list of things that needed to get done took over my thoughts and my actions.  By Friday I had exhausted myself and came home to sleep a solid twelve hours.  During the week, I struggled to hold onto the peace that I have felt all summer.  Most of the days I kept up with my Bible reading and most of the days I managed to get in a heartfelt prayer but it was with constant struggle to keep out the noise of work.  The "noise" of work made me feel stressed, overwhelmed, and had me dealing with all kinds of feelings from frustration to inadequacy.  Yet in all of that, as I look back over my readings this week, at what I highlighted,  I can see a gentle thread woven just for me.  

   

     "But God made the earth by his power, and he preserves it by his wisdom.  With his own understanding he stretched out the heavens.  When he speaks in the thunder, the heavens roar with rain.  He causes the clouds to rise over the earth.  He sends the lightning with the rain and releases the wind from his storehouses."  Jeremiah 10:12-13

     "He who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."  James 1:6

     "I know Lord that our lives are not our own.  We are not able to plan our own course.  So correct me, Lord, but please be gentle.  Do not correct me in anger, for I would die."  Jeremiah 10:23,24

     "If you return to me, I will restore you so you can continue to serve me.  If you speak good words rather than worthless ones, you will be my spokesman.  You must influence them; do not let them influence you!"  Jeremiah 15:19

     "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain."  Psalm 127:1

     "Do not be wise in your own eyes."  Proverbs 3:7

    "But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.  They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water.  Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought.  Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.  

      The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked.  Who really knows how bad it is?  But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives."  Jeremiah 17:7-10

Rocky Mountain High

There is something magical about being near majestic mountains and beautiful natural views.  The first time I visited Colorado last summer I felt like I was at Disney Land.  I really did not expect to be so mesmerized by the landscape!  Of course after some time of not seeing those beautiful views, you forget their magic.  
    Enter last week when I got to go back to Colorado with a group of ladies from work for a professional development opportunity.  There was  an electric feeling in the car when those mountains came into view and I think we all felt the child inside of us.  We were laughing and smiling and just going on and on about the beauty around us.  In the end I am so glad we got to do a little hiking before we left.  It was so gorgeous and it inspired this blog!

     The whole experience brought new reflection and meaning to Psalm 104 that I had read earlier that week.  The Psalmist is saying how he desires for all that he is to praise the Lord.  He describes all the wonderful things God created on this earth.  He marvels at the landscapes and the cycles created by God that provides for all the needs of those living here- plants, animals, and people.  He says "O Lord, what a variety of things you have made! In wisdom you have made them all." (Psalm 104:24 NLT).   "May the glory of the Lord continue forever! The Lord takes pleasure in all he has made!" (104:31 NLT).  
         I easily identified with the Psalmist while on the mountain!  All the things I saw just made me feel inspired. I could not stop taking pictures of what I found interesting.

Thinking more about it now, I think that the electric/magical/childlike feeling was my spirit woman rising up within me.  She was going crazy with pleasure, acknowledging the greatness of her creator.  Just like the Psalmist she longs for all that she is to praise the lord.  What a great experience!  
       One interesting thing I learned about myself on this trip is that apparently I can find a song to go with just about anything.  I think they joked that I was a "walking jukebox."  So with that in mind I will leave you with a song.....  I have a favorite line and maybe you 
will too!
                        

           
         

SYFY, nightmares, and Amy Grant Oh My!!!

        I admit freely that I like watching those cheesy SYFY movies.  The more ridiculous sounding the title, the more my interest is peeked.  I read titles like Megapython vs. Gatoroid thinking "What in the world?" and I have to watch at least five minutes.  Of course within that five minutes I get hooked and well.... five minutes turns into two hours.  A few weeks ago I watched one that brought on a nightmare.  I woke up scared and could not go back to sleep.  Visions of these crazy, tribal, vicious, doglike tree men flashed every time I closed my eyes.  Now when I have a nightmare, singing songs in my head helps me fall back asleep.  The only song that came to me on this night was Amy Grant's Thy Word.  Now I have not heard that song in AGES but I could remember EVERY word.   I really held onto the line "nothing will I fear, as long as you are here" and in no time I was back asleep nightmare free. 

     Flash forward to this week's daily bible reading and I find myself reading Psalm 119.  It is a Hebrew acrostic poem that is 176 verses long.  I don't think I have ever read one of those verses let alone all 176 until this week and I was really liking the subject.  It seemed focused on the joy and benefits of studying God's word and law.  The verses echoed my own desire of knowing God deeper through the reading of the Bible.   Then, I had to smile even more because, tucked away in this Psalm at verse 105 is the reference for my nightmare fighting Amy Grant song "Your word is a lamp to guide my feed and a light for my path."  Suddenly the verse was not just an isolated, stand alone verse from my childhood that supported the indoctrinated practice of Sunday school scripture memorization.  In context, I found that it was a verse woven into a tapestry of so many other beautiful verses expressing to God how much the writer loved God and his word.  How important the word was to him/her, how the word brought delight and joy, how the word reminded the writer of God's comfort and unfailing love and his faithfulness.   YES, YES, YES (I wanted to shout).... because I realized that after establishing a short daily bible reading time for the last six months that is just the way I feel about God and his word.  I did not think I would ever feel that way about reading the Bible.  Bible reading always seemed so hard and took too long.  I am so glad my heart is changing in this area.  No wonder Amy Grant sang a song about that verse! 
  

Music with a message

          When I sat down to read my bible today I really needed to hear encouragement from God.  This summer is turning out to be a little overwhelming for me.  I feel like I am trying to juggle much with very little.   Every week presents something new to mourn, pray about, worry about, or try to plan for.  The needs are more than what I seem to be able to provide for.  I feel like I am about to squeeze the life out of my life trying to control it all by myself.   I wanted a scripture to just jump off the page and let me know everything was going to be alright.  So I read and well.... I have to say nothing jumped.  Nothing relieved the heaviness in my heart.  I closed my bible and still had all the same worry and fret as before.  In fact,  now I had added a little insecurity to worry because after today's reading of Proverbs 31:10-31  I had to be honest, I have some real work ahead of me to be that "virtuous woman".  So I sat with my coffee and my burdens.  I sat with my numerous thoughts and my many plans.  I sat with my tears and my worries.
          As I sat at my kitchen table, I began to hear the songs from my radio station playing in the background.  Songs of hope, songs about bringing your burdens to the Lord, songs about submitting to his will, songs that told of his unfailing love and his desire to lift my burdens from me.  Suddenly words of faith, love, and inspiration were jumping all around me.  I was overcome with the fact that God didn't send me just one song to listen to and lift my heart. He sent me song after song until I received the message, quit trying to squeeze and control my life, and instead surrendered and gave all of it to him.   The moment was tender, sweet, and so very, very real.
          I did hear from God today, it just did not come in the form I expected.   I heard that I can choose to hold onto all of my worry or I can chose to tell God about it.  When I choose to hold onto my worry and my need to control, nothing changes immediately and I continue to feel hopeless and heavy hearted.  When I tell God about my worries, nothing about my circumstance changes immediately but, my heart does.  I let go of trying to control every little moment and I feel hope.  I feel rest.  My heart returns to feeling light.  Instead of being consumed by all the negative things, I begin to focus on the very real and prosperous blessings God has given me.  I begin to worship him for his goodness and provision.  I feel loved because he saw my sadness today and made time for me.  Time to tell me that he truly is  my "refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble."(Psalm 46:1 NLT)